French Beds

French Beds

I buy beds
beautiful ornate
vintage
french beds
carved and exotic
fruits and flowers
intricate and delicate

Some bits worn and broken
but I love them all
they make my breath catch
at their beauty
I ache for their exuberance
but I ask "What am I doing? I have a bed."
I have no need for all this decadence

But my bed is broken
even though it looks fine
on the surface
underneath the support has snapped
propped up with books and old magazines
I need to stop buying useless but beautiful things
don't I?

But what is the use of a practical bed
that is broken?

The Universe Calling

The Universe Calling

It is 2.22 pm
the time
the universe calling?
A message I should know?
pairs with one stuck in the middle
a triangle

I am so scared of what is to come
breaking it all apart
not seeing beyond
will it grow again?
dismantling years into minutes
no focus

But the kookaburras are calling me again
they always do
at big moments in my life
Today they are restless
Gaphawing, hooping
speaking their song to me

I am dumb
I can't understand
what they are saying
So they fall silent
and I long them to come back
to tell me what to do

Instead a crow croons
and flies away
rozellas twerp and chirp
happy in their freedom
the trucks brakes squeal
reminding me of work and steel close by

They are back again now
fleetingly
the Kookaburras
More intense but distant
as is the crow
and the clouds are thin

And the air is chilled
even in the afternoon fullness
of the sun
I sit and wait
on manicured grass
at the lonely institution of learning

All is quiet
all is calm
all is moving away
slowly
even
in the stillness

it is 2.33 pm precisely
no longer a perfect trine
that is gone
a new mystery awaits
and what is time anyway
but our attempt at constraint

and the cricket begins her song........

Fallen

Still
No clearer
I have to go home
Scared
Confronting
What do I say?

Fallen
in love with a stranger
who has become known
showing me
photographs
feeding me

Glorious kissing
kissing me
me talking
you sharing
sharing loving
loving sex

What am I thinking?
and I buying
fancy beds
to fix it all up
beautiful
but absolutely useless

fucked

Betwixt and Between

Betwixt and Between

How do I find the place
to go?
I am crying for you
crying for you
waiting to hold you close

I can't live without fire
I can't live without love
I can't hold your love

Kiss me forever
Hold me til dawn
You reach me
and pull me in
but you break me
when you pull back

My lover is here
My lover is away
Does he think of me?
Does he know me?
I know
you love me

Sun shines
Soothes my aching heart
but fades when you're gone
hold me love me
will you ever let me know?
will you ever let me go?

Will you break your rule?
and what of the love at home?
My long love
Oh that hurts so bad
you won't hold me
I can't risk you

The Gypsy Nomad

The Gypsy Nomad

Joy and Sadness
Love and Loss
you you you
Cannot pin you down
My nomad my lover
Each time I fall deeper

I try to say no
to tell myself
you are no good for me
but I fall and fall and you say
Come away with me
Make love to me

You hold me til it hurts
we drink wine
we kiss
my lips and yours are one
how can I? how can I
hold you.....slipstream

I don't want to own you
but I ache so much to be away
even now
only hours after we have loved
and filled ourselves
with food and wine

ooh please say you want me
no more mucking around
tonight I want you
tonight I would leave all I know
for you
but you have to give me more

I am crying inside
dying inside
you have me completely
but you are so close
and you are so distant
my nomad, my gypsy lover

will you
will you
come find me
will you
steal me away

Here We go Again

Here We Go Again

So here we go again
the pen and me
waiting for answers
to be told
without questions
to hold my tongue

what is my life?
where am I?
Lost
for so long
looking for love
craving intimacy, connection

Breaking away
suffocated, airless, held down
I back away from myself
I want freedom
so much, so much more
than I think of myself or others see me

You cannot see me when I hide
behind care and concern
ever faithful servant
the good girl
mother
friend and lover

push it down
push it down
it will pass
Buddha said
but here I am again
the pen and me

Swoon

Swoon

Today I am missing you like crazy

You are still here but gone

So lonely for you

I long for you

Was it just that?

A bird flew by yesterday

She swooped and soared next to me

Chasing my car with such intensity

She found me

I was puzzled.

I didn’t know what she wanted but I think it was you

What could she tell me that you cannot?

Her presence was clear

But her message obscured

A blessing or warning. I am not sure?

You wanted me

You pursued me

And I did not say no

But I did too

Want you that is!

I thought I could play distant

I thought I was wise

I thought you would fall open slowly

It’s all so unexpected you say

For me a nice surprise

Maybe she was telling me stay away

That your heart could not be opened

Maybe she was urging me to persist

Or go home

Or that this one is broken

It was not a chance meeting

She, you, I

Maybe that is it

Maybe I, the messenger

From her, from the sky

Oh but it hurts

And I have no rights

I fight it, fight it, fight it

I clutch my womb tight

Cold as ice

I did not want to love you

A few days passed

I told myself I didn’t care

Shaken by my emotions and yours

Despair

What do I do?

I am elsewhere

so are you

Was it that meaningless?

Have I sold my soul for so little?

How many more like me

I feel like accusing you

But that would mean I could ask

And I cannot

I have no rights

I miss you like crazy today

And for now it’s not returned

Fleeting ideas of me and you

If I am not mistaken

You have also yearned

But your heart is so closed, And mine is open

What on earth did I expect? A miracle?

That I was different, that you would change?

Well yes! My heart told me so

But you are deaf to yours

And so you watch this chance to know love fly away………again